Deus ex Machina

I know I have mentioned before that I love my guild. I don’t think I can fully express my feelings on the subject so I will bring this post by Krystofar to illustrate why I love these guys so much.

Krys, you are our ambassador of Kwan!

Deus ex Machina is a term originating in ancient Greek theater. It roughly means “machine of the gods” and was a levered device that was used to represent the hand of a god. If the hero of the play were to get in trouble and there was no possible, humanly way to extricate him, the “hand of god” would lower to the stage and fly him away or present him with some item of great means.

The theatre of Warcraft featured the Deus ex Machina twice last night. The first time it lowered to present me with an opportunity.

I was helping kill Horde in Zangarmarsh when Nya, said on Vent, “Hey Krys, some guy is looking for ranged DPS for Prince in Kara”. I laughed. Really? Someone is “pugging” for Prince? I got the contact name.

I really didn’t think much of it, but on a whim I messaged Olock, who turned out to be the Guild leader of theWu Tang Financial guild (more on them later).

I whispered, “Hey, I hear you’re looking for ranged DPS.”

No answer.

“Do you need a hunter?”

Long pause.

He finally said, “I’m looking you up”. On the Armory, I assumed. He whispered back, “Have you fought Prince before?” I replied, “No, I’ve only been as far as the Chess event”.

My wife was reading over my shoulder. “God…this is just like a job interview”. I smiled and said, “Well, he has to take precautions I guess”.

Finally the words appeared, “You’re in!” Panic set in, what did I get myself into? If I failed, I get to be the huntard, pug scapegoat. On the advice of Guild members, I asked if I would be able to roll on gear drops. Olock’s response was, “You’re not just doing it for the gear are you?” Um…no,yes? I decided to go.

I asked for their Vent info and it was provided immediately. Then the first problem occurred. I could not, for the life of me, get my Vent screen to add a new server. Everyone is waiting . I asked for a more minutes while I tried to fix it. It wouldn’t work! As quickly as I could, I set it up on my wife’s computer, slapped an extension wire from her speakers to my headset and sat down and typed that I could hear them but couldn’t talk. With glee someone said “Oh great, another one with no mic. Let the hazing begin!” Sigh. Already I look like a n00b. They had waited for me with a level of patience bordering on heroic.

After that I had no major hiccups, we did Chess and reached the top of Karazhan. I got my first glimpse of Prince Malchezzar ambling around a large outdoor platform. He don’t look so tough, I thought. Olock described in great detail the fight we were about to experience. Twice. He marked a healer, Demitrii, with an orange circle and told me to stay as close as possible to him. No problem. The fight began. A tank, a prot warrior named Chazzman, ran in. He really is an awesome tank, especially with the great healers at work with him. I took my cue from the other two hunters in the group as to when to send in my pet, Skippy, and start laying out the mad DPS. Within seconds, Prince casts some sort of shadow spell that drops my health down to about 1hp. I didn’t even have time to panic. I followed directly behind the orange circle hoping I’ll be lead to safety but nearby flames from a summoned Infernal creature were all it took to kill me.

Sigh. +45 to n00b status. –45 to Wu Tang rep.

The group lasted a couple of more minutes. Wipe.

I don’t remember much about the second attempt other than Prince hit me for 11,147. I’m sure I made a nice little greasy mark on the Prince’s floor when he squished me. Wipe.

Third attempt, we got him down to 3%. Wipe.

The forth attempt we waited while people repaired. I occupied my time by inspecting the lovely, high-level epics of the hunter next to me. The call came out, “Is everyone ready? Krys?” I said, “I’m just standing here, inspecting Cendran’s gear and touching myself inappropriately.” At that moment, the tank charged Prince. Laughing, someone said, “This is no time to be funny!” “Who’s being funny?” I thought.

This fight went well... very well! We lost a couple of people towards the end but Prince went down! Congrats went around on Vent while the lost heroes were resurrected.

“Loot him!” someone demanded.

An epic healing ring. Pass.

A tier 4 helm for druids. Pass.

And then the Deus ex Machina reached down from the heavens for the second time that night. On it lay [Sunfury Bow of the Phoenix]. The Sunfury Bow of the mutha-f***’n Phoenix! A hunter drop. One of the best ranged weapons in the game. The countdown timer for “Need” or “Greed” begins to tick away. I begin to sweat. Profusely.

My thoughts raced madly off in all directions. I heard a voice in my head that said “My Preciousssss… fats little Wu Tangs don’t deserve my Preciousssss.” I suppressed that.

Then came the vision. In the vision, I was standing alone on a mound of soft earth; calm and composed. In the distance, rushing towards me, are legions of slavering Horde; the handle of my Sunfury Bow, smooth and warm, in my calloused dwarven hand. I raise the bow and draw. As I let loose my arrows, the bowstring musically thrums a song probably akin to “The Ballad of the Melted Face.” Wave after wave of Horde crumple to the ground, screaming before the onslaught of my multi-shot. And I laugh. Oh, how I laugh.

Snap the f*** out of it!! The need/greed timer is at 30%. Everyone is chatting, but nobody is talking about the bow, but I can hear all of their thoughts. I had inspected Cendran. He HAS the Sunfury bow (and it looks great on him). The other hunter, a BM named Miluda is near me. I hit inspect. She has the [Valanos' (f***’n) Longbow]. It’s an ok weapon, but certainly no Sunfury. I chat with Miluda. I know the anticipation is killing her. At about 10% on the timer, I click “pass”. There is a collective sigh on the vent channel.

Miluda hugs Krystofar

Miluda blows kisses at Krystofar

Miluda loves Krystofar

Krystofar blushes at Miluda

Olock whispers me, “You did the right thing”. I laughed.

Truthfully, it wasn’t that hard a decision. It was a little difficult to overcome my initial desire for the bow, but I didn’t really deserve it. I was just a DPS pug that didn’t contribute on the path to Prince. I have a good weapon in the [Wolfslayer Sniper Rifle]. With my +5 to guns racial and the adamantite shells, my DPS is pretty comparable. Really, I would much rather be the guy who passed on an awesome drop than be “that a**hole hunter” that ninja'ed poor Miluda’s bow.

Everyone thanked me profusely for coming out and I thanked them all in return.

About Wu Tang Financial: They were a tremendous group! They knew their rolls and performed them well. For the most part, the vent chatter was hilarious, yet still informative and they couldn’t have been nicer to me. If I didn’t already love my great guild, I’d sign with them in a heartbeat. I’m still a little boggled that with a guild of over 100 members, they would need to bring me in, but I’m very, very grateful nonetheless.

Note to Miluda:

If you should read this, would you please do something for me?

The next time you’re in the Alterac Valley Battleground, go on defense. Armed with your fantastic bow, stand alone at the top of a hill. As the slavering wave of Horde approaches, run this macro:

/cheer
/say For Krystofar!
/castsequence multishot, arcane shot, multishot
/say lol
/say lol

Thanks for reading this far.

Ok. So I didn’t get phat lootz. I did get this [Epic Tale] and that’s enough for me.